1. Coming Out Of Denial:
Educate yourself on the cycles of abuse. Researching helps the mind make sense of what has really been going on. You know that things are not right, you know that you don't deserve this, you know that this relationship is draining you, but you've trauma bonded, you love them, and you have isolated yourself from your support system. Take to the internet and start to research, read articles, watch videos and start to snap out of the dazed and confused state you've found yourself in. Write down all the ways in which they've abused you then read them out loud.
2. Rebuilding A Support System:
Reach out to TWO people, a friend or family member and a trained professional (healer or psychotherapist with experience with Narcissitic/Psychopath/Sociopath dynamics). When you start to share the TRUTH about the extent of the gaslighting, emotional, verbal, psycologically controlling or even physical abuse you've endured and you see the look on the faces of the ones you're confiding in-you will sober up real fast. The issue wiht gaslighting is that you have been manipulated into second guessing your insticnts and reality. You have been broken down to the point that you are really not certain if this has been abuse or not-especially if the conneciton was deeper than you're used to or if they showed up better in some ways then you're used to. Understand that Love Bombing is a huge key in getting you to ride through the storms bc you miss that aspect of their love so much. TWO refelctions will snap you out of this, two people you share about how its really going will snap you out of this.
3. Relationship Detox Withdrawls:
Understand that you will experience very real withdrawl symptoms. The highs and lows of this relationship have created neurological emotional additions that actually stemmed from early child hood. This person and the way they treat you is an emotional addiction and you must see the relationship as an actual drug. Right down all the areas of your life that have been affected from this addiction & understand that you will feel extreme pain and discomfort as you detox. Trust your support system to guide you into no contact, if you share finances or chilren then this will be a longer process.
4. Create an Exit Plan:
Face it you've been abused, you've been traumatized and it's not your fault that you seek them to love you after they hurt you, you're not sick but the cylce itself is a sickness. Just like heroine you receive a high from the low and you detox when the poison starts to come out. To unwind shared obligations begin to create an actual exit plan with your support system that starts with the date you're going to actually leave them. Everyday log how you feel when you are around them...after awhile your journal entries will also help you to pull out of the magnetic force keeping you there.
5. Hold onto Hope:
When you're zoomed in you cannot see the other side of this grief. When you're in it, it feels so stressful that you cannot feel into likfe without them. It takes time to detox and grief, healing is not linear, it comes in waves. Keep envisioning the life you deserve filled wiht joy, love, safety and true support that does not come with all this extra stuff. Remember you were somebody before them and you will be an even better version of you without them-this is the scariest leap of faith to know that without this vampire draining you, you will begin to think and move more clearly than ever as soon as you remove the blood sucking tick from your arm. Life post breakup is hard at first but then on the other side is the life you want but you're going to have to swim through stormy waters to get to that paradise, but nothing is harder then staying in a relationship that does not serve you.
6. Moving Moves Energy:
Move your body everytime the fear sets in, dance, shake it out, scream, hit pillows, no matter what do not lay down on the floor and zonk out, you have to fight the energy of depression and keep moving so you literally get unstuck from this sycle of abuse.
7. You Got This:
You can leave. You can rebuild. You can't stay and you can't keep going back bc you know what that life is and you know its' not the life you were meant to live. It's going to be hard AF but you will find a power inside of you that you never even knew you had. Find the tiniest bit of power you have left inside of you and fucking grow it. You will find you without them. You will find God.